But when parents divorce, the holidays can look and feel very different.
Traditions that once brought joy may now bring sadness. Instead of everyone gathering under one roof, children may find themselves celebrating in two different homes. And what used to feel familiar and comfortable can suddenly feel complicated.
For parents, the thought of not having their children with them on Christmas morning or during a favorite holiday tradition can be heartbreaking.
But here’s something important to remember: The holidays can be just as emotional for your children.
They may be excited about celebrating with both parents while also feeling sad that things aren’t the way they used to be. They may worry about hurting one parent’s feelings by enjoying time with the other. And moving between homes can stir up emotions they don’t always know how to express.
Sometimes those feelings show up as tears, frustration, withdrawal, or behavior that seems out of character.
That’s why one of the greatest gifts you can give your children during the holidays is a sense of security.
They need to know they are loved, they don’t have to choose sides, and they aren’t responsible for making either parent happy.
They also need to know that the adults in their lives are doing everything they can to make the holidays as peaceful and enjoyable as possible.
Here are six ways to help your children navigate the holidays when you’re co-parenting.
- Acknowledge that things are different.
Don’t feel like you have to pretend everything is fine or that your children should be excited about every holiday plan.
Give them permission to talk about what they’re missing, what they’re looking forward to, and what feels hard.
Sometimes simply saying, “I know this isn’t how you wish things were, and it’s okay to feel sad about that,” can make a big difference.
Your children don’t need you to fix every feeling. They need to know you understand.
- Make a plan and stick to it.
Children thrive when they know what to expect, especially during times of change.
Work out holiday schedules as early as possible and communicate them clearly. Let your children know where they’ll be, when transitions will happen, and what they can look forward to.
Whenever possible, avoid last-minute changes.
And if plans do need to change, reassure your children and help them understand what will happen next.
Consistency helps children feel secure.
- Make transitions as easy as possible.
Moving between homes can be difficult, especially during the holidays.
Ask your children what might make those transitions easier. Maybe it’s bringing along a favorite blanket, having some quiet time when they arrive, or knowing what activities are planned.
Be mindful that children may need time to adjust when they return home.
And perhaps most importantly, don’t make them feel guilty for enjoying time with their other parent.
Your children should never feel they have to hide their happiness to protect your feelings.
- Let your children be children.
Divorce can bring a lot of complicated emotions for everyone involved.
As tempting as it may be to share your frustrations or disappointments, remember that your children aren’t your sounding board.
They shouldn’t have to hear negative comments about their other parent, carry messages between households, or feel responsible for making sure you’re okay.
Find trusted adults who can support you as you navigate your own emotions.
Your children need the freedom to enjoy the holidays without feeling caught in the middle.
- Remember, Christmas doesn’t have to happen on December 25.
This one is especially important!
If your children aren’t with you on Christmas morning, that doesn’t mean you can’t create wonderful Christmas memories together.
Celebrate on another day. Make a special breakfast. Start a new tradition. Find something meaningful that belongs to your time together.
The date on the calendar doesn’t determine how special the celebration will be.
What matters most is the time you spend together and the memories you’re creating.
- Before making a decision, ask one important question.
“How will this affect my child?”
It’s a simple question, but it can change the way you approach holiday plans, conversations, and disagreements.
Will this decision make things easier or harder for my child?
Am I thinking about what my child needs, or am I reacting out of my own hurt or frustration?
Am I helping create a peaceful holiday, or adding unnecessary stress?
You may not always agree with your co-parent, and some situations are genuinely complicated. But keeping your children’s well-being at the center of your decisions can make a meaningful difference.
One final thought
The holidays after divorce may never look exactly like they once did. And that’s something both parents and children may need time to grieve.
But different doesn’t mean they can’t still be meaningful.
You can create new traditions, find new reasons to celebrate, and make memories your children will treasure.
Your children don’t need perfect holidays. They need to feel loved, safe, and free to enjoy the time they have with each parent.
One of the greatest gifts you can give your children this holiday season is the freedom to simply be kids.